May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
My little muse. I NEEDED to take these photos, I NEEDED to remember the joy I once had when aiming my camera at my children, and I NEEDED to capture her just like this because she seems to be changing right before my very eyes.
Sure, it took a bribe of $20 for her to put on lip gloss and give me 5 cooperative minutes, but quite honestly, I can’t put a price tag on these images.
There are moments with her lately…
It is different than the almost teenage boy in the house who I have not a clue about and don’t know what to do right or wrong.
When I was pregnant for the first time, I wanted a girl, that was what I knew and I was sure it would be easier. And, I thought I was having one, which turned out to be Eli, but that’s another story. I imagined a Zoey as a little girl who wore tights, and had braids in her hair and danced and was in recitals with costumes and twirled around the house..that is not what I got. I got Zoey, a girl with scraped knees and no rhythm and beauty that sometimes takes my breath away.
But I can do it, I was a teenager once not too long ago, I mean how hard could parenting a tween girl be?! I know these things to be true, that is for sure..
- She is going to like a boy someday that may not like her.
- Luckily with a teen boy in the house, I can now see the other side.. that most likely he does not know that girls even exist, so it is not her, it is the entire opposite sex.
- She is going to have friends that decide one day that they don’t want to be friends anymore.
What sucks, is that even though I know these things, I can’t protect her, and even if I did have the magic words to protect her from the teenage years, she would’t listen anyways.
But let’s be honest, she is NOTHING like I was..she is confident and secure and does not care what other think? How do I work with that?
She thinks she can take over the world and do ANYTHING she wants. There is no such thing as No. I mean..whay can’t she end up playing Soccer at Stanford while traveling around in an RV full of dogs photographing animals who need homes, all while studying to be a vet.
Being a parent, It is a struggle to not want to overcompensate for the things that I felt I did wrong or mistakes I make. That is not to say that I am not exactly where I am supposed to be, but looking back, there are things I would have done differently had I known then what I know now.
Just a few of the thoughts the keep me up at night..
- How do I push her to work really hard in school to do everything she can to get into a 4 year school and move away from home to have the freshman experience I never had?
- What will I do when after only 4 years in the workforce, she falls in love, gets married, has kids and stops working. Can I tell her that is a good choice, when I look at how much angst it is left me with over the years?
- How do I convince her to keep running now because there is no way she will be able to pick it up when she is 40?
- Would she even believe me that the boy she had a crush on in high school will show up at her 40th birthday and someday she will laugh about that crush?!
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young